Vote Bear

There’s a bear in the woods. Let’s put him in office.

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The California recall election is coming. Will you vote for Gov. Gavin Newsom? Caitlyn Jenner? That guy with a bear? Or maybe just vote for the damn bear.

Bear won’t raise your taxes. Bear won’t greenlight a poorly-thought-out high-speed rail project. Bear won’t violate his own mandates and eat indoors at a fancy restaurant.

He’s a bear. He’s just going to do bear things.

The only hole bear will dig himself is the one he sleeps in all winter long, helping conserve energy and limiting the need for rolling blackouts.

Bear doesn’t want to interfere in your life. Bear doesn’t want to be near people at all. You mind your business, Bear will mind his. Doesn’t that sound nice for a change?

Maybe wear a bell or something, just in case.

Vote for Bear: I mean, he’s already on the damn flag.

Written and produced by Meredith and Austin Bragg

Image credits: Renée C. Byer/TNS/Newscom; WENN / WENN English Top Features/Newscom; K.C. Alfred/ZUMAPRESS/Newscom; John Gastaldo/ZUMAPRESS/Newscom

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